Now, we here at Arcade Sushi love Pokemon. But as much as we'd like to think the world of Pokemon is perfect, there are some facets of it that aren't quite kosher. And so we've rounded up the Most Disturbing Pokemon Facts for you to peruse. We apologize in advance if we ruin your childhoods in any way, or otherwise totally shatter your view of how perfect the Poke-life is. Restock your potions, tune up your bike, and make sure your Pokedex is up-to-date, because we're diving into the Most Disturbing Pokemon Facts.
For some reason, the world of Pokemon is one in which consent means very little. Since the very beginning of the series, Pokemon games have always starred very young trainers who are making their first forays out into the world. You'd think society would want to look out for these inexperienced youths and help them develop their skills. Nope. As soon as you lock eyes with an adult on the road, they coerce you into battling them. What could be creepier than a grown man beating up on a kid's pet, and then taking their money?
Poke-Splosions are Normal
Pokemon are our pets, partners and, most times, our best friends. So why, then, do we think it's totally alright to have them explode? We're not sure why forcing Pokemon to use "Explosion" is acceptable, but what could be more traumatic to our furry little pals? One minute, we're tossing apple-shaped Pokemon food at them, and then the next minute, we're asking them to self-destruct. What an abusive relationship.
Xatu Cannot Unsee the Horrors
In its Pokedex description, it is said that Xatu stays still and quiet because, "it is seeing both the past and future at the same time." Not only is this terrifying because of the amount of stimulation it's experiencing, but this means that Xatu can see everything horrible that ever happened, and unspeakable terrors that are yet to happen. This also means that Xatu has seen your death. And all it can do is watch and wait. Incredibly creepifying.
You probably already saw this coming, but that's because it's a hallmark in the category of disturbing Pokemon facts. Cubone, as you might know, wears a skull on its head. Now, just the act of wearing a dead animal's skull as a helmet is macabre enough. But once you factor in that the skull once belonged to its dead mother, then things start getting really uncomfortable. Cubone is just one breakdown away from turning into the likes of Buster Bluth or Norman Bates.
Banette is a ghost-type, marionette-doll Pokemon. Ghosts? Dolls? If that hasn't sent shivers up your spine yet, then you're made of sterner stuff than us. While this Pokemon may look like any old mischievous creature, it's important to note that it's described as being, "possessed with pure hatred," and are supposedly dolls that children threw away. Because of these two facts, Banettes constantly wander around urban areas and seek out the ones who discarded them in order to haunt them. Think they feel jilted? We think they feel jilted.
Jellicent Makes People Swim with the Fishies
At first glance, Jellicent look kind of goofy. They have these huge, mustache-lookin' parts that give them the appearance of being gentlemen and ladies of the sea. But it's important to remember that these are ghost-type Pokemon. And like most ghost-types, they feed on the energy of the living. So it's a little startling when you learn that ships and crews that sail into Jellicent-infested waters... are never seen again.
Kabutops Slices, Dices and Slurps
If there's one Pokemon that looks like it came straight out of your nightmares, it's Kabutops. This ancient creature has evolved to look like something that would give most Predators, and their shoulder-mounted cannons, a run for their money. A quick read of its Pokedex entry may make most people stain their pants, since this Pokemon, "cuts open prey with its claws, then sucks up the spilled bodily fluids." This thing is just one human casualty away from starring in its own creature feature.
Cofagrigus Noms on People
Cofagrigus, known as the "Coffin Pokemon," looks like it was specially-designed at the Nightmare Factory in Eviltown, USA. There's nothing about this creature that seems friendly, especially since legends say that Cofagrigus could eat humans and turn their corpses into mummies. As horrifying as that might sound, at least it had enough sense to repurpose the bodies for intrepid archaeologists to find.
Who could blame it for being so terrifying though, considering...
.. that it evolved from this creepy thing, the Yamask. A portmanteau of the Japanese word "yama," which means "darkness," and mask, this Pokemon was once a human. In order to illustrate this fact, it carries around a mask that's modeled after the face it had when it was alive. It's somewhat sad, but mostly wholly disturbing. Speaking of sad, Yamask sometimes looks at its mask and weeps. But before you start feeling sorry for it, you should know that anyone who wears the mask will become possessed by the Yamask. Put that in your Poke-pipe and smoke it. Or, you know, just run away while you can.
Remember when we said that Pokemon are our pets, partners, and friends? Yeah, it turns out that they can also be our food. If you think about it, there are very few "real" animals in the world of Pokemon. That means people have to get sustenance from somewhere, right? And even if they're vegetarians, it's important to note that there are a whole mess of Grass-type Pokemon who look like they'd pair pretty well with a nice vinaigrette. The more you think about it, the more it makes sense. Not only are we pitting these intelligent creatures against each other in battle, but we're also devouring them! Friendship means nothing when you've gone broke from losing too many battles. That's when your favorite Miltank starts looking like it could use a bath in Worcestershire sauce.
And now that we're hungry, it's time to get a Tauros steak with a Togepizza.