Do you like rhythm games? How about cute graphics? What about Chinese knock-off games which infringe on so many copyright laws it'll make your head spin? If you're a fan of the rhythm RPG series Patapon, get ready to get angry.

First of all, Patapon: Siege of Wow! has nothing to do with the charming series from Sony Entertainment... other than the fact that Beijing Q & D Technology Co. Ltd., directly mirrored the art assets, sound effects, music, and game mechanics from the original Patapon series for use in their half-assed knock-off. Frankly, it's shocking that this title made it onto the App Store, and hopefully Sony will come raining holy hellfire down quickly enough to get it removed. Should you decide to buy it out of morbid curiosity, what you'll find is the kind of thing you'd expect from a company that specializes in making shoddy clones.

It's a good thing that Patapon's basic mechanics are intuitive and easily understood without the barrier of language, because, despite being sold in America, Patapon - Siege of Wow is entirely in Chinese. The menus, the in-game hints, the story, even the flavor text between levels will all be inscrutable to someone who doesn't speak the language of the Far East. The app description, while technically in English, is written entirely in gut-slapping Engrish, with choice quotes like, "HD beautiful Chinese style, get rid of fatigue!" and, "You say goodbye to boring game with!" and who could forget, "Daily Hunting, a lot of gold you get, as long as the effort of deep spending can not break clearance~!" The one thing you don't need to be multilingual to understand, however, are the in-app purchases. Despite the fact that Patapon - Siege of Wow! costs several dollars at base, it nudges you towards spending more money on in-game currency, which would be a slap in the face even if this game weren't an audacious rip-off of another.

The gameplay itself is exactly what you'd expect from a Patapon game, minus all of the fun, craftsmanship, and complexity that made the series such a success. You tap out rhythms using the touch screen to command your army of Pata dudes to do what they need to do. Later levels include new foes and require new strategies from the player, but things never achieve the glorious depth of a real Patapon game. As you complete levels you earn gold, which can be used to replenish fallen soldiers for the next level. Lather, rinse, repeat. The graphics and audio are surprisingly good at some points, but then you'll remember that they were lifted wholesale from the original Patapons. Any assets not lifted right from Patapon tend to look blotchy, artifacted, and terrible.

It's appalling that a game like this exists. The people involved should be ashamed of themselves for trying to profit from the hard work of the original developers, and Apple should do a better job policing apps that so clearly rip off the intellectual property of others. Patapon - Siege of Wow! isn't a bad game if you ignore what a rip-off it is, but you shouldn't. If you love the original Patapon series, save your dollars and give it to the people who actually made it. We're so mad we're not even going to provide iTunes links to this rip-off.


App Store Link: Patapon- Siege of Wow! for iPhone & iPad | By Beijing Q & D Technology Co. Ltd. | Price: Who Cares | Version: R.I.P. | 70.9 MB | Rating Poop+

2.5 out of 10 arcade sushi rating