Wimp: Who Stole My Panties Review
Remember in Wayne’s World when the corrupt arcade mogul came up with a game about a gelatinous cube? I think someone finally made that game. Wimp: Who Stole My Panties is not a scam to get crazy kids to plunk in arcade quarters, rather it is an awesome retro style side-scroller game with all the physics and mechanics of modern iOS games.
Wimp: Who Stole My Panties reminds me of the days playing Super Mario Bros. on my NES up in my room. Back then my little newbie gamer mind probably couldn’t handle a blob as a main character. Plumbers who fight turtles, that made sense, but I had to grow up to appreciate a blob collecting toilet paper.
The controls are just like an NES game, only the buttons are on the touch screen: left or right to move the little blob around, jump, and a special action button. The action button lets you stick to things. This can be used strategically to attach to rotating objects, or to pull blocks towards you. However in some quests, the action button can change. For example, in the Teddy Quest worlds you can turn into a fireball, and the action lets you do a double jump midair which changes your strategy completely.
Let me back up for a second ... on each level, you move your little blob around the obstacles, trying to collect up to three rolls of toilet paper, and escape the level. Some of the obstacles just require timing, like jumping or sticking at the right moment, or avoiding spikes and bad guys. Others require puzzle solving strategy. There are buttons and levers and you’ve always got to think three moves ahead. There’s also the physics aspect of the game. You can stick your blob to a chain and swing like Tarzan, or balance on teetering see-saws of death. There are three worlds with 20 levels each, with the opening for developer Flexile to add more worlds later.
I feel more like I’m playing an old school side scroller than a puzzle or physics game. The puzzles and challenges are seamlessly integrated into the levels, or maybe we’re just so used to this type of gaming it’s second nature. You have unlimited lives too, so it’s not too painful when you die. Frankly, if you botch a puzzle by accidentally pushing a box you need into acid, you can just suicide and reset.
Every component of Wimp is awesome, from the “blob walks left to right jumping over bad guys” game, to the “blob solves puzzles” game, to the “blob does the sticky version of Angry Birds” physics game. Every time you get to squeeze through a crack, or stick to moving object, Wimp feels special. He certainly has a unique set of special moves, so if you’re stumped, just think through all the special skills the various tutorials taught you. If it’s not a sticky situation, it may be a swinging or a pulling one.
You’ll also obsess over collecting all three rolls of toilet paper. We can’t even call it three-starring a level because they’re not stars. There's one roll that's always somewhere out of reach, but if you can find a crate to push under it … but you’ll see where that last roll is and think about how you can get it and still escape the level. Let’s face it, on some puzzle games, you settle for two stars, but when we’re talking about toilet paper, there’s no roll left behind.
The graphics are great but what really stands out about Wimp is the music. The music is just beautiful. It sounds very 8-bit like all those catchy old NES themes. Each area has its own theme, and I think the Teddy Quest is the nicest. It’s like a heartbreaking ballad that sounds kind of like Gizmo’s song in Gremlins.
I love Wimp: Who Stole My Panties. By the way, the story of the game, as it were, is that Wimp has to find the thief who stole his panties. Why does a blob wear panties, and what does that have to do with toilet paper? Who knows. It’s just so weird, I love it anyway.