Old-School vs New-School Pokemon: Pick Your Pokeymons

It's hard to believe that everyone's favorite monster-catching franchise is now old enough to drive a car, but it's true. Pokemon has a long and storied history, and Nintendo turned this simple premise into a multi-billion dollar franchise.

For some, Pokemon means memories of trading monsters and cards in middle school, of arguing over which of the legendary birds was the best, and of deciding whether or not to let Pikachu evolve into Raichu. For others, Pokemon is an ongoing thing, comparing Pokemon dispositions, hunting down shinies, and min/maxing the bajeezus out of our little monsters. With this curious divide in the Pokemon fanbase, one has to wonder: are the old-school Pokemon better than the new ones, or does progress trump nostalgia?

(To be clear, here, old-school Pokemon refers to generation 1,2, and 3, and new-school refers to everything after that.)

Old-school pokemon

Cutest pokemon: Pikachu

Lamest pokemon: Jinx. Just look at this racist bastard.

Gooniest/greatest pokemon: Bidoof. If you don't think Bidoof is the greatest Pokemon to ever exist you, my friend, have something amiss in your life.

Strangest Pokemon: Cubone. If you read Cubone's info, you'll find that this poor little creature is actually wearing the skull of its mother. Woah! Mondo morbid, dude!

Coolest legendary: Mewtwo. When Mewtwo hit the scene, this telepathic-mofo was pretty much indestructible thanks to how innately powerful he was, and how overpowered Psychic-types were compared to other types of Pokemon. Plus he can talk, and can say something other than his own name over and over.

Biggest hassle about old-school pokemon games: Getting around. It's way too long into the game before you get the bicycle and the Fly ability.

New-school pokemon

Cutest pokemon: Litwick

Coolest legendary: Dialga

Lamest pokemon: Klinklang. It's just a pile of gears! There's no discernible creature there at all! The game is called Pocket Monsters, not Pocket Full of Whatever Crap We Can Find.

Gooniest/greatest pokemon: Vanilluxe. It's a floating ice cream cone. Goony, yes, but Vanilluxe is so goony it's kind of awesome, and, unlike Klinklang, you can still see how it's an actual creature rather than just a floating pile of crap.

Strangest Pokemon: Elgyem. This mind-controlling pokeymans might be an alien what done crashed here from outer space.

Biggest hassle about new-school pokemon games: All of the tiny, niggling details that the game doesn't really explain, like the aforementioned shiny pokemon, or some of the secret qualities of particular pocket monsters.

Winner: the fans!

Whether you like old-school Pokemon or new-school Pokemon better, the fact remains that we, the fans, are the real winners here. Nintendo knows how to play to our nostalgia while innovating in all the right ways, which is why Pokemon has gone on to become one of the most lucrative multimedia franchise phenomenons in all of history.