Arcade Sushi Asks: Who’s On Your Video Game Mount Rushmore?
Everyone has their favorite video game characters, and could spend endless hours regaling you with tales of Mario’s superiority over Sonic, or why Master Chief is more important than Mega Man. However, the ultimate form of tribute is giving these characters a proper monument so that every generation for all eternity will know just how major these heroes and heroines were. You might recall our original Video Game Character Mount Rushmore article, and that inspired us to ask some YouTube luminaries:
What Video Game Characters Would You Put On Mount Rushmore?
Jon Jafari (JonTron)
The four characters I would pick would be Big the Cat, Big the Cat, Big the Cat, and the old board game Pollyanna because where would we be if not for the ability to stand on the shoulders of our gaming Grandfethren. I mainly picked Big the Cat because if you look closely on his belt it’s like one of Sonic’s rings and I think that’s really important that they’re keeping the theme.
Paul Ritchey, Nick Murphy, Josh Henderson (Continue?)
Gordon Freeman (Half-Life): Theoretical physicist, savior of the universe, and crowbar karate master. He’s the strong, silent type. The perfect personality for a visage carved into granite.
Gomez (Fez): Again, another person who speaks through actions and not words. Also he is just so damn cute and I want to see him peering out pensively next to Gordon’s goatee’d face. That makes Gomez my Thomas Jefferson. Whatever that means.
Tifa (Final Fantasy VII): Everyone is always jocking on Aerith, but the wise ones among us know that Tifa was the real deal. She’ll keep you in line but isn’t afraid to feed you some shots when you’re feeling down on your luck. Plus she owns a bar that has a secret hideout basement, which is totally awesome.
SNES: Yeah, I know. It’s not a person. It’s not a face. But that beautiful bastard deserves to sit proudly on that mountain top for being the best GD system to ever come out. And this is coming from a dude that had Sega Channel.
Nick:I’d like to share my initial thoughts while standing in front this majestic national monument: “Dayum! These humangus heads is big as hail.” Since then, I got more smarter and less dumber. But I say, “Get those dumb idiots down from there, and put these guys on there.”
Motorized Patriot (Bioshock Infinite): In the George Washington spot, who better than a robot George Washington with a goddamn minigun.
Maxwell (Scribblenauts): Thomas Jefferson earned his spot by writing the Declaration of Independence. Maxwell earns his spot by writing “purple dragon time machine butt dog.”
Donatello (TMNT): This dude carries a big stick and speaks softly. “Cowabunga, dudes”
Professor Layton (Professor Layton series): He’s got a similar hat so I guess that’s reason enough to replace Ol’ Abe.
Hey! Descendants of Gutzon Borglum, get on this.
Darth Malik (Knights of the Old Republic): Because you’d only have to sculpt half of his face. It’s a time saver.
The Bus (Cruisin’ USA): Who doesn’t want to see a cool car chiseled out of granite? Plus that sucker could do wheelies and fire came out of the exhaust.
Washington Motorized Patriot (Bioshock Infinite): You’d really have to do very little work. Washington’s face is already there just add a Gatling gun.
Field (World of Warcraft): My druid in World of Warcraft because I deserve to be on Mount Rushmore.
Satchel Drakes (Satchbag’s Goods)
Classic Dante (Devil May Cry): So I get to play a pizza-loving, electric sword-wielding, enchanted handgun-shooting demon-man with a paper-thin personality and a Duke Nukem lust for action? Yes, please. Put to rest your gnashing of teeth over what Ninja Theory did to the classic Dante with the new DMC Dante; both Dantes are completely non-relatable archetypes rooted in teen power fantasy. And it is absolutely appropriate. Dante was exactly who I wanted to imagine myself being as I diced the undead into consumable orbs. Top it all off with theatrically times one-liners and you had an ironically unforgettable hero.
Knuckles the Echidna (Sonic the Hedgehog): Far be it from me to put the blue blur higher than Knuckles the Echidna. Seeing a new, mysterious character open up Sonic 3 with dreadlocks and Jamaica-colored kicks was incredibly cool as a kid of the Caribbean. It was also nice to see another character give the quintessential hedonistic tyrant a run for his money. What was interesting about the dichotomy between Sonic and Knuckles was that they both shared similar goals and profiles. They were both painted as the classic reluctant anti-hero whose goodness came out in the protection of nature; Sonic’s being the animals and Knuckles’s being Angel Island and the Master Emerald. Underdog heroes were and still are the coolest.
Peppy (StarFox): Do you realize how underrepresented Peppy from Starfox 64 is? That is a character that will never make the Smash Bros. cut and will only be remembered for his “barrel roll” call-to-action. But does anyone remember how patient, helpful, and informative Peppy was? Do you know how valuable it is to meet a Peppy at your job, in your career, or just in your life? I’d take a friend like Peppy over a cynical, misanthropic falcon or a fox with abandonment issues any day. I swear, kindness goes unnoticed in this world.
Ryu (Street Fighter): How could one’s favorite character come from a narrative-barren fighting franchise? Easy. The Street Fighter series, over the course of the last two decades, is chock full of lore and character backstories for anyone who cared to read the text at the end of every battle, rival challenge, and campaign. As an accompanying fan of the anime and animated films, Ryu stood for who I desired to realistically grow into. He embodied discipline and grace; a man of justice and righteousness who was fully aware of his weaknesses and shortcomings. In spite of what he trained tirelessly to perfect, he was always humbled just enough to hold back from showing it off. His playground was the solace of mountain tops and he’d observe a week of silence if there were no words of value to speak. When you come across modern people somewhat like this in real life, you reasonably begin to call your own priorities and disciplines into question.
Dominic Moschitti (Fantasy Fiction)
I’m going to do this, disregarding the obvious choices, and putting into focus the games that were most inspirational to me. In addition to that, I’m using the villains as the representatives of each game because that’s why you play the game! Who cares about the hero, how’s the bad guy going to be stopped?
Lord Saddler (Resident Evil 4): Before Resident Evil 4, third-person shooters blew chunks. It’s true! RE4 was a game that took a huge risk by changing the traditional Resident Evil gameplay, and it paid off huge. Without RE4, we wouldn’t have the Gears of War series, or countless other games.
Diablo (Diablo II): Pretty much the definition of what a sequel should be: Everything you loved about the first one has been improved, and everything you hated about it is gone. Throw in better online support, along with an expansion that seriously impacted the game, and you got yourself one of the best games ever made.
Satan (Ghosts n’ Goblins): Ghosts n’ Goblins is a series near and dear to my heart due to how incredible that world is. Go look up the art design for them, including the Gargoyle’s Quest and Demon’s Crest, it’s incredible! Cartoony and yet still disgusting. I don’t think I’ve played a horrible, near impossible, port more than I have than Ghost n’ Goblins for NES.
Dracula (Castlevania Symphony of the Night): Not much I have to explain here: gorgeous game, beautiful soundtrack, incrediblely simple gameplay.