10 Horrible Video Game Movies
Video game movies have never been good, and these 10 Horrible Video Game Movies are the worst. Some of them are corny. Some of them just totally miss the point of their source material. Some of them are unholy abominations created by Uwe Boll. All of them are torture to watch, so unless you have incredibly high stamina for horrible acting, steer clear of these 10 Horrible Video Game Movies… unless, you know, you are in to that sort of thing.
DOA: Dead or Alive
One thing you’ll notice about this list is the fact that many of these horrible movies are based on fighting games. Fighting games aren’t exactly known for their spectacular plots, and for good reason. They are all just poor excuses to see people fight each other. DOA takes it to another level as it introduced the term “jiggle physics” to video gamers everywhere. So its movie adaptation, DOA: Dead or Alive, is essentially a step above softcore porn. It’s nothing more than an excuse to see skimpy dressed girls beat the crap out of each other... so it shares that in common with its game series of origin, but nothing else! Despite the eye candy, it still belongs on our list of 10 Horrible Video Game Movies.
Alone in the Dark
Alone in the Dark’s main character is Edward Carnby, the main character of the Alone in the Dark video game series… and that’s about it. It is universally loathed by almost everyone, scoring a 1% on Rotten Tomatoes. Metacritic ranks it with a 9/100. It lacks almost anything in common with the game series, and that’s a good thing because this stupid piece of action-horror schlock may be one of the worst movies of all time period! How could this movie be that bad? Oh wait… Uwe Boll… more on him later.
The King of Fighters
This crossover fighting game tying in fighters from all of SNK’s greatest franchise became some strange tale of a virtual reality fight-o-sphere and an ancient demon snake summoned by three artifacts. Also, Terry Bogard is a CIA agent who wears a trucker cap because that’s what happens when you go into the virtual world. Somehow, The King of Fighters took an already strained crossover fighting game concept and made it worse.
Oh, Uwe Boll. You are like the opposite of King Midas. Everything you touch turns to crap. Bloodrayne was an incredibly mediocre action game starring a vampire that fought against cyborg alien Nazis and no, we are not kidding about that. The movie, on the other hand, is just the story of a half-human/half-vampire killing all of vampire society for the lols. It’s like Blade, except much much, much worse. And with its cast of Ben Kingsley, Meat Loaf, and Billy Zane, it should have done much better. We could have put all of Boll's video game movies on this list, but we didn't have enough room. Or patience.
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
The first Mortal Kombat movie wasn’t really that bad. Sure, it was hokey and essentially riffed on every single martial arts trope in existence, but it was fun. Annihilation, on the other hand, was just horrendous. Between the whole, “inner animality” plotline, the changing of Shao Kahn into a bald dude, the changing of Raiden’s actor completely, and the horrible CGI effects, this film doesn’t deserve to have the Mortal Kombat name. In fact, many fans blame this film for kicking off the era of terrible Mortal Kombat 3D games that plagued us up until the release of Mortal Kombat 9.
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within
When Squaresoft said that they would be opening a movie studio, fans went nuts. If there was anything that Square was good at, it was making their game’s look pretty. When Squaresoft said their first movie would be a Final Fantasy movie, fans went even crazier. We couldn’t wait to see chocobos and black mages and moogles make their way to the big screen. Unfortunately, what we got was some sort of unintelligible sci-fi garbage using facial recognition technology that solidly put all of its CGI actors in the uncanny valley. The failure of this movie very well may have contributed to the failure of Square as a company, pushing it toward its eventual merging with Enix. And that's why it's on our list of 10 Horrible Video Game Movies.
Street Fighter: The Movie
There are just so many things wrong with this movie. Jean Claude Van Damme’s incredibly French representation of the hyper American Guile is one. The fact that Ryu and Ken were kicked to the side as minor characters was another. The fact that this was Raul Julia’s last role before he died was another. Everything about it is just wrong! It’s given us some amazing scenes, such as the Bison Dollars scene, Bison’s “OF COURSE!” moment in reference to taking over the world, the hilarious portrayals of Blanka and Dhalsim, and a Hawaiian E.Honda. However, in the end it’s still nearly unwatchable by anyone but the most dedicated of internet trolls.
Contrary to popular belief, Doom was not made by Uwe Boll, but it sure feels like it was. The movie isn’t actually all that different from the plot of its game counterpart but that doesn’t actually make it any better. This movie actually went into first-person mode at one point, and God mode, and it was stupid! No one wants to see a first-person movie. How the heck do you screw up a movie that is essentially Dwayne “The Rock Johnson” beating up demonic aliens?
Double Dragon may be better classified as a dial spinner, a movie that is so bad it’s good. This classic beat 'em up game has never had a good interpretation for TV or movies. But, while the Saturday morning cartoon version was bad, the, “'90s punk kids beating up the establishment” movie was even worse. It may have had a terrible plot, a weak villain, and an interpretation of Abobo whose neck looked like a scrotum, but hey, at least it had one of those whirly whistles that were all the rage in the '90s. We can’t find those anywhere anymore. Bummer.
Super Mario Bros.
The Super Mario Bros. movie is usually the movie people think of when they think of bad video game movies. It was, essentially, the first movie based on a video game plotline, and it was horrible. Our lovable Italian plumbers went from Goomba stomping to traveling to alternate futuristic universes filled with the hyper evolved descendants of dinosaurs. They used guns and robot boots rather than capes and fire-flowers, and Yoshi looked like a reject from Jurassic Park. All we really wanted was a full length movie of the Super Mario Bros. Super Show. Was that so much to ask? This junk of a film is the reason why it's #1 on our list of 10 Horrible Video Game Movies.