10 Gamer Commandments
Hear us, gamers the world around! The gamer gods have given us these 10 Gamer Commandments for us to all live our gaming lives by. It is these rules that will teach us how to be good sports to each other, and avoid being labeled as noobs or scrubs. Gaze upon them and rejoice my brothers and sisters, as we use these 10 Gamer Commandments to usher in a new era of gaming peace and prosperity.
A reading of the gamer gospel according to HeadshotsXXX: Tread not on the plugs and wires that connect my console to my monitor. Ye might interrupt my game, or worse, corrupt my save file. Ye might even cause the worst of gamer afflictions, the pox known as the Red Ring of Death. Respect the wires that give our games life in this first law of 10 Gamer Commandments.
A letter from FinaFantasyFan82 to GameSharkX7: Why would you save over my game like that, brother? I was 100 hours in. I had completed all the sidequests and had everyone’s legendary weapon. Truly a fruitful bounty was bestowed upon me, which you so callously whisked away by saving over your new game. Was it worth it to see the alternate opening movie, friend? Was it?
XxShoryukenxX 3:16 – Hey! What the heck, man. I can’t see. I’m in the middle of an online tournament here. What the hell. Dude, you cost me the match! You could have just walked behind me or warned me or something.
A reading from the book of Nintendo Power: Games are that which bind us together. That which brings us together as a community. Games are a thing that we own, and cherish, like a child, or pet, or prized possession. Playing another man’s game is the same as taking another man’s wife. It is alluring, but it is wrong. Resist temptation and play only your own games brothers, and the gamer gods will smile upon you.
XxShoryukenxX 4:20 – Are you serious, man? I’m in the middle of my wakeup here. Not only have you screwed up my inputs, but now you’ll be mashing DP and you’ll already know what I’m going to do because you can see the first frames of startup animation. That’s bull****! Judge! I want this scrub disqualified.
A reading from the holy instruction manual: It is but natural for us to change the controls in our games. While some prefer the fierce attacks to be on the shoulder buttons, others will prefer them on the face buttons. Before each match it is important to button check to be sure that you play to the best of your ability, for we only get one chance, before the tournament judges proclaim us the loser. This 10 Gamer Commandment is an important one.
A reading from the book of Revelations... Resident Evil: Revelations: There is a devil with all displays, oh followers of the good word. That devil is display lag. Display lag waits for all of us, delaying our actions, making us miss our important headshots, and fall to fireball spam. Display lag can be avoided, if we all simply work to research our monitors and TVs. Do not subject your fellow gamer to display lag, as it will only cause rage and suffering.
XxShoryukenxX 42:9001 – That match doesn’t count! Why? My buttons were sticking. Fierce punch was stuck down. I couldn’t DP or roll or do anything. What do you mean that’s not your problem! There’s no way you can count that as a legitimate match. You know I’m better than that. Besides this isn’t even my controller! This whole tournament is rigged I tell you! RIGGED!!!
A letter from OrganizedGamer12 to Thr0w3m4nywh3r3: My brother, it was a wonderful time to have you over and play games together. However, we went through many titles and this morning I found that none were where they should be. The disarray was disheartening, as discs were swapped to cases that do not even match up with their console. I ask that you come by again to aid me in returning all games to their rightful home, as is proper.
A reading from the gamer gospel according to CheapWINZZZZ: Ignorance is not a sin, oh gamers of the world. It is but the first step to becoming a true pro. However, destroying those who have not yet had an opportunity to learn a game is not helpful, it is malice. It does not foster learning and only breeds hate. Teach games to your fellow gamers before proceeding to beat them, for it is only through knowledge that we may come to know the true gamer way. This is your #1 rule in our list of 10 Gamer Commandments.